Songs BETA
Guitar-wielding, quick-fire lyrics, catchy tunes, too many trick rhymes and puns.
January 2026
What are Turkish Barbers Up To?Original
Trying to explore the way people are suspicious of Turkish barbers, done as a classic fake duo on an internet reel
2 January 2026
I'm turning your comments into comedy songs! 🎶Spoken Word
I'm turning your comments into comedy songs! 🎶 A comedy song writing challenge where you're in charge of what happens next. If you want to hear a song about it, then drop a suggestion. Be careful what you wish for.
3 January 2026
Song Challenge #1 - Romanian boy with dreams of being a West End star a writing challenge songOriginal
A Romanian boy with dreams of being a West End star.
6 January 2026
Project Twilight - Big Finish #23Hybrid
An episode about vampires needs an Olivia Rodrigo style song in it. Not my first, or indeed my last time playing with this song as source for a pastiche.
8 January 2026
Song Challenge #2 - The Santa Piece of Coal ExpeditionOriginal
A boy with a complaint for Santa.
9 January 2026Join The Navy With MeHybridJingle
A jingle about Sea Devils episodes. Pithy and piratey.
9 January 2026PredictionsHybridJingle
A jingle looking back on last year's predictions. It gave me a chance to sing my own swing track, albeit accompanied by the AI.
10 January 2026It's Time For SpeculationHybridJingle
Not the first time I've channelled The Muppets. I had so much fun making this that I made a different muppet track a few weeks later.
10 January 2026Song Challenge #3 - Backflipping Trampoline DogOriginal
A dog learning to backflip on a trampoline.
12 January 2026I'm the Real Pharoah - Big Finish #24AI
From a Big Finish story I was reviewing, this is a musical insert where I pretended a character - Erimem - was actually Eminem.
12 January 2026The Ferrero Rocher Dad JokeOriginal
It's the high speed chocolate joke. A silly dad joke about cars and chocolate.
12 January 2026Song Challenge #4 - The Animal City Where Popcorn is IllegalOriginal
A city full of animals where popcorn is illegal.
13 January 2026Song Challenge #5 - When You’re on Social Media But Need a WeeOriginal
Needing a wee, but being stuck on social media.
14 January 2026Song Challenge #6 - Cheating Bridie BoyOriginal
Someone caught cheating and punished with pastry.
15 January 2026Song Challenge #7 - A Girl Called PuddingOriginal
A relationship with a girl called Pudding.
17 January 2026Colditz - Big Finish #25HybridParody
A parody of the theme tune to The Great Escape with lyrics about the Big Finish audio.
18 January 2026Song Challenge #9 - Up The Boro'Original
Middlesbrough being promoted. Song writing challenge
20 January 2026Song Challenge #10 - The Buttered Slice of ToastOriginal
A weird series of events leading to toast. Song writing challenge
21 January 2026Song Challenge #11 - Don't Eat Soap - Lush is Not a Sweet ShopOriginal
Why you shouldn't eat soap, even nice ones. Song writing challenge
22 January 2026Not That BadHybrid
A musical coda to an episode where the reviewers had drawn a mixed conclusion on a story. I listened to the story and their review and gave a jaunty musical end note... agreeing that it wasn't all that bad.
25 January 2026Oh, The Traitors (TV Show)Original
Think you like the TV Show The Traitors? How about if I tell you that it's actually a very slow version of a game that isn't very good?
27 January 2026Song Challenge #16 - Kermit Ghost PepperHybrid
Kermit the Frog eating a Ghost Pepper.
28 January 2026Song Challenge #17 - You Need RedbullOriginal
A motorcycle accident and a can of redbull.
29 January 2026February 2026
The Nonces of NewsHybrid
When the news is quite depressing. This was sung into Suno to get the backing track
1 February 2026Song Challenge #21 - Animal Crossing AnimeHybrid
Animal Crossing New Leaf in the style of Anime.
4 February 2026Song Challenge #23 - Deep and Searing PainOriginal
Heartbreaking song about pain and hurt.
6 February 2026Don't Send Me a Voicenote - Piano versionOriginal
This version did quite well, triggering a lot of people it seemed.
7 February 2026Song Challenge #24 - You're Not a LoserOriginal
How if you've experienced loss, you're not a loser.
8 February 2026Song Challenge #25 - Faster Than the Speed of LightOriginal
Queen-inspired song about faster than light travel.
9 February 2026Song Challenge #26 - Desperately Seeing AdorationOriginal
Why we're all begging for followers and likes.
10 February 2026Come Join Our Hive MindHybrid
A summary song about an episode. This is a really energetic track that I had fun singing along to.
10 February 2026Song Challenge #28 - Explosive DiarrhoeaOriginal
Heartbreak and explosive diarrhoea.
12 February 2026Song Challenge #29 - Unusual Time SignatureOriginal
Complicated and unusual time signatures.
13 February 2026Song Challenge #31 - If I Were a TreeOriginal
Trees, or is it? A little bit of arborial smut.
15 February 2026Song Challenge #32 - Rice KrispiesOriginal
A particular brand of breakfast cereal - Rice Krispies.
18 February 2026Song Challenge #33 - Fifty Different Sorts of LightbulbOriginal
The bewildering array of different light bulbs.
19 February 2026Song Challenge #34 - Four StringsOriginal
Bass players who use more than four strings, as requested by a bass player who uses more than four strings.
20 February 2026The Keeper of Traken - Big Finish #26Hybrid
For the episode about the Big Finish audio drama "Primeval", this is a pastiche of "Losing My Religion" fused with the vibe of needing a Keeper of Traken. Used on episode #26
22 February 2026Song Challenge #36 - Loo BreakOriginal
Being on a long car journey in traffic and needing the loo.
23 February 2026Song Challenge #37 - Dad Jokes, Bad JokesOriginal
Silly one liners and other assorted dad jokes.
24 February 2026Song Challenge #39 - Cancelled CartoonsOriginal
Our childhood cartoons getting cancelled.
26 February 2026March 2026
Song Challenge #29 - Unusual Time Signature - Live versionOriginalLive
A live version of a song from the song-writing challenge. Performed at a music event in London
3 March 2026Venus - Big Finish #27 (rejected)AI
Another one with full AI music. I added this as an Easter Egg, but it wasn actually used in the episode. It was my attempt to answer the question of what was the winning entry to the intergalactic song contest.
5 March 2026Doctor Who Film ClubParodyJingle
I thought an a capella jingle for the Doctor Who Film Club would be fun. I could almost feel the eyebrow that was raised at me from the other end of the WhatsApp message.
9 March 2026Mental LeapHybridJingle
A song to set up the pretext of The Doctor Who Film Club which I provided on request, my a capella track not being taken entirely seriously
9 March 2026Base Under SeigeHybrid
An 80's style song with me on vocals, this summarised one of the recrrent themes in a Doctor Who Film club episode.
10 March 2026A Very Lonely Jelloid - Big Finish #27Hybrid
This is a rare case of me not composing the music for this song, but giving it to Suno to extrapolate from the limited musical material already in their episode. I wanted to get the vibe of the existing sound design without making it into something of my own. I drove it with lyrics, but then sang those lyrics in my best accent. As featured on Episode #27
11 March 2026Back Where They BelongHybrid
The return of the Doctor Who Daleks' Masterplan episodes in an 80's style love power ballad
12 March 2026Song Challenge #46 - Welsh MaryOriginal
The wonderful Welsh Mary in the Motorway Services.
16 March 2026
Invaders from Mars - Big Finish #28Hybrid
I think the song was obvious with this one. It had to be a Bowie pastiche. I played this on piano and then created the soundtrack with AI. I also appeared on the episode which reviewed this story.
18 March 2026Stuck in a Time Loop Again - Big Finish #29Hybrid
a pastiche of Stuck in the Middle With You converted from a guitar vocal demo by me into a short song via Suno. As with all these things, there's writing, editing and sound engineering, and ultimately it's an original song with music and lyrics by me. Written for The Doctor Who Podcast about the Big Finish audio - The Chimes of Midnight
20 March 2026That's Annoying - Being pursued by fake Kaylee Rose botsOriginal
I interacted with Kaylee rose on TikTok, and I'm still being targeted by bots pretending to be her, so I wrote a song about it.
23 March 2026You Can't Take Your Country BackOriginal
As I spotted an old school friend falling down the well of believing the populism of the far right, I thought I would write a rebuttal to his life.
25 March 2026The Daleks MasterplanParody
Ashley can you just make the Oasis song "Masterplan" into a song about Daleks? Of course I can.
26 March 2026The Feast of StevenHybrid
Well, if we're doing Oasis, then I'm going to do one about William Hartnell breaking the 4th wall.
26 March 2026Doctor Who Mastermind SongHybridJingle
A song I wrote and sing vocals on and play bass on, but which was Suno-ed to get the other parts. It has some nice references to Doctor Who episodes and trivia in it too.
26 March 2026When You're a DuckHybrid
A silly ballad on a kazoo with some random stuff about ducks in it. Started life as a kazoo bit to camera, and then I put it through Suno to get the backing to follow the track. I then edited the heck out of it.
26 March 2026Get Out the Middle Lane - Original versionOriginal
The original version, which did good numbers and really needs to be followed up with a single
27 March 2026The First QuestionOriginal
A jingle for a segment about the 11th Doctor Big Finish audio dramas
31 March 2026April 2026
April Fools - (in the age of misinformation)Original
A satire on how people are very credible online, and others are now much more aware that everyone is talking bollocks
1 April 2026Ken BruceOriginal
A song about Ken Bruce, written for my wife, after we had tried to work out who the good guys are in radio, given the firing of Scott Mills. Mainly an excuse to do my version of Rob Brydon's Ken Bruce impression, but also a bit of a love letter to the man himself.
2 April 2026So This Is EasterHybrid
Not the first time I've pastiched 'So This Is Christmas' to make it about Easter.
4 April 2026Fill In Word - Re-release with album mix on it
The original video with new subtitles (though the existing lyrics are in vision in the form anyway), and the mix from the album on it
4 April 2026Let Me Poo in Peace
A song inspired by being interrupted on the toilet when you're a parent. Full video on this version
5 April 2026Don't Send Me a Voicenote - Live on album launch nightOriginalLive
This is a live version of the song, performed on the album launch night at Reckless in Leamington
6 April 2026Phil and ScottOriginalJingle
A jingle for when father and son team Phil and Scott review Doctor Who things. I wanted something that was light-hearted and a bit more youthful. This is an Ashley original, where I play instruments on top of some drum loops.
11 April 2026The Nimon Hop - Big Finish #30Hybrid
from a piano demo through Suno to a Latin Salsa horny track about The Nimon from a Doctor Who story. First included in The Doctor Who Podcast Echo Chamber #30
14 April 2026Song Challenge #50 - The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Facts of LineOriginal
Mutant ninja turtles and the birds and the bees.
15 April 2026Song Challenge #53 - Builder's TeaOriginal
Everything you wanted to know about a special brew that's not Special Brew
18 April 2026Song Challenge #55 - InconsequentialOriginal
Whether life's inconsequential or has meaning.
22 April 2026
Mastermind WhoParodyJingle
A theme tune for the Doctor Who Mastermind quiz, a mashup of the Mastermind TV Theme tune (approaching menace) and the Doctor Who theme (Murray Gold version).
22 April 2026Embrace The Darkness - Big Finish #31Parody
a parody song of The Sound of Silence as a story epilogue for a Big Finish story of the same name
22 April 2026The Powell EstateHybrid
for The Doctor Who Podcast about Rose's home estate, but in the style of the theme from Neighbours, half parody song, half pastiche... too close to call. Me on vocals.
23 April 2026Get Out the Middle Lane - Full song, LiveOriginalLive
My song about middle lane hoggers, tried in full, for the first time live. The promoter wanted me to dedicate it to his partner.
24 April 2026Something In The BeansOriginal
Inspired by the vibe of the coffee shop scene in The End of Time between Wilf and the 10th Doctor. A short musing on life, death, four knocks, and coffee beans. It's just me at my piano.
25 April 2026He Really Didn't Want to GoHybrid
an original composition converted to a tango by Suno and sung by me, about the regenerations surrounding Tennant's Doctors
25 April 2026Song Challenge #56 - Macca BananaOriginal
Paul McCartney eating an unpeeled banana. Channelling my inner Mitch Benn
26 April 2026George and Zippy do Baby One More TimeCover
A cover of the song Baby One More Time by Britney Spears, performed in the style of George and Zippy from Rainbow. A long-term part of my set.
26 April 2026Whole Lotta Shakespeare - Big Finish #32Hybrid
An Elvis style number with me on vocals (bvs and band by Suno from my own composition) about a Big Finish story for The Doctor Who Podcast
29 April 2026In The Matrix - Big Finish #33Hybrid
for The Doctor Who Podcast, inspired by a Big Finish story – Neverland – a disco song about the matrix on Gallifrey
30 April 2026Singing RhubarbImprovisedOriginal
An improvised/written offstage and sung for the first time on, based on some MC conversation with an audience member about their selling of Singing Rhubarb.
30 April 2026May 2026
Has My Time Gone By? - Big Finish #33 (pitch)Hybrid
A pitch for The Doctor Who Podcast, inspired by a Big Finish story, a full song with me singing and playing on the piano, augmented by a couple of stems from Suno and then edited to death
1 May 2026Catfish and ChipsOriginal
A quick satirical song inspired by seeing the headline on the BBC News about chip shops quietly substituting catfish for cod
1 May 2026Song Challenge #62 - Nasty New York AirOriginal
The air quality in New York City. Channeling Sting for this.
2 May 2026The Local Facebook Group - Promotional re-releaseOriginalStudio
This is the original video of the song, marked with some album art, and the mix from the album.
4 May 2026The Strimming Incident - Promotional re-releaseOriginalStudio
This is the original video of the song, marked with some album art, and the mix from the album.
4 May 2026Song Challenge #64 - Ex In The AtticHybrid
Sitcom theme tune for a show called Ex In The Attic.
5 May 2026Song Challenge #65 - Secretly CheeseOriginal
A girl who is secretly cheese, packed with cheese puns.
6 May 2026Polling EtiquetteOriginal
A little comedy song on polling day for the UK council elections, inspired by an article on the BBC
7 May 2026
Eurovision - Random AI CoverHybrid
While using Suno to stem split this track to try to reduce noise, I wondered how it might manage a cover version of quite a loose performance. The answer is remarkably well
10 May 2026
Song Challenge #68 - Balaclava Phone ThiefOriginal
A song about a mysterious phone thief wearing a balaclava.
10 May 2026Song Challenge #69 - Skid MarkOriginal
When someone offers to follow you if you write a song about poo stains.
11 May 2026We Will Survive - Big Finish #34Hybrid
Relating to the Big Finish audio "Spare Parts", this is a pastiche of "I Will Survive" relating to the plot-point and catchphrase around survival in the episode. It started life as a piano vocal demo, where I re-wrote the DNA of the Gloria Gaynor classic to be the same but different and sung the lyrics. Then we spent time in Suno making a cover and adding more stems to the the raw material to edit to death in Logic.
11 May 2026Song Challenge #70 - Toad is Flying the A PlaneOriginal
The request was for "Toad flying A Plane", so I gave them what they asked for
12 May 2026Song Challenge #71 - Chucky CheeseOriginal
A repeated request for a cock and bull story about the theft of some macaroni cheese in broad daylight!
13 May 2026Song Challenge #72 - Dementia Dinner LadyOriginal
The request is to write about the life of someone who serves food to Alzheimer's patients. To be honest, I sidestepped the rather poignant subject and wrote a song about messy eating.
15 May 2026Song Challenge #73 - Kitty SeanceOriginal
They think their screaming cat might be talking to ghosts, so here's a spooky song about cats and the occult
18 May 2026Song Challenge #74 - Tesco ParkingOriginal
Why you should park your car in the trolley park instead of a parking space.
19 May 2026Song Challenge #75 - Vaping DoggyOriginal
A song about a dog that stole a vape and then had a puff on it.
20 May 2026
Hinton and Hassabis - Suno Studio RemakeAI
I always liked the original of this, but it was a bit mashed by Udio and the editing process of trying to get it to work. A Suno cover version with some extra stems and mixing makes for a better revisit.
20 May 2026
Poisoned ChaliceHybrid
This started life as a little ditty sung into Suno, which I did some post production on. It was created for a DWP news episode before recording it, based on the press headlines about Doctor Who
27 May 2026
That'd Really Impress MeAI
One of my favourites from the original. There were some mangled lyrics in the middle of the original version, which my daughter decided to rewrite for me. This song tries to answer the question "Well what WOULD impress Shania Twain much?". As such, it's a list of world record attempts
30 May 2026
Drunken ClicksAI
I'd done a cover version of this a few weeks earlier, so I put that in for regeneration.
30 May 2026Is This Love?OriginalLive
A song I originally wrote for a possible TV appearance that never went anywhere. This is a parental love song about the mixed emotions of raising a child. It is pretty. This version came from a "Musical Chairs" performance at The Cheltenham Fringe festival in May.
30 May 2026June 2026
A Kernel of TruthHybrid
During the edit of the news episode about Doctor Who's future, I summarised the discussion in a couple of verses, and then hit the piano to try to create something that might sound like an inspiring patter song from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Suno then transformed that, and I augmented it with some more stems in Suno studio, and edited it into shape.
1 June 2026The Car Uke SongHybrid
While waiting for my son to finish an after school club, I sat in the car, wrote a song for my ukulele, filmed it, put it through Suno to get some additional instrumentation and then produced the song and video... because, why not?
2 June 2026You're Gonna Need More Than Words - Big Finish #35Original
A reaction to the Big Finish story "Ish", this is a pastiche of Extreme's "More Than Words" in a slightly chippy take down of the script.
3 June 2026Song Challenge #76 - Crayon PeckerOriginal
A song that reluctantly follows the narrative suggested by the suggester about a crayon and a woodpecker.
4 June 2026Song Challenge #77 - Crap VinnyHybrid
Someone wanted a diss track about their friend not being very good at things, and I made them Scottish. This is a rare(ish) example of a fully AI backing on a track, though the melody came from me singing into Suno, over a couple of iterations to get the right vibe.
5 June 2026You've Got to Save a Copper or TwoHybrid
A pastiche of you've got to pick a pocket or two from Oliver!, this was a playout written for a song about penny pinching for a fellow comic.
5 June 2026
Kitty Cat Blues - "Live"AI
Originally written to amuse my wife after "the incident" with our cat, Rex, this is a song I've tried to perfom live a couple of times. The seed recording for this version came from a live performance of mine, so I asked the AI to make me a live version from it. It's a bit uncanny, but I love the idea that in some alternative universe somewhere, there's an area of fans screaming and shouting about Rex.
6 June 2026Root of my BluesAI
I had already performed a cover version of this for a reel, so I co-opted the sound of that as the input to the regeneration.
8 June 2026Song Challenge #78 - ShrewedOriginal
They wanted a song about a shrew with a catchphrase that came to them in a dream
8 June 2026PancettaAI
I couldn't quite find a way to explain to the AI what was special about the original version of this song, which I crisply remember writing in between driving to the Doctor's surgery. The original has a Monty Python sort of vibe, but this version is a nice reimagining which sounds a lot cleaner.
9 June 2026Big Finish CountdownHybridJingle
An opening song for a countdown of favourite Big Finish stories
9 June 2026Who am I?Hybrid
A jokey hammed up version of a Musical Theatre style song about who I am for an episode where that was discussed.
9 June 2026Dead InternetOriginal
A little paranoid moment I keep having on social media, where I wonder whether everybody I see on my feed is real. I am pretty sure that I can spot some of the people who are just AI, but maybe there are more.
9 June 2026
Come On England - (Don't Be Shit)Hybrid
The big singalong football chant version of the song.
10 June 2026
Come On England - (Graham Taylor's Version)Hybrid
As I've done with my Brain Rots songs, this is the laid back wistful female singer song-writer version. They're usually the sweeter song. The key change has been replaced by some jazz.
10 June 2026Street FoodAI
When I played the original of this to my wife, I remember chuckling about it, since I'd conjured up a series of cranky virtual old men to 'speak my truth' for me. The version of this I sang to the computer was a bit more level-headed than the bonkers AI version from the original.
10 June 2026AI Prologue - RegeneratedAI
As the original album started with a prologue, I thought I'd do a regenerated one for this album to explain what's coming.
12 June 2026Big Fuckin' TrainAI
This was one of the last tracks to be written for Monkey Paw Cowboy, a stream of consciousness about the sort of thing country singers bang on about - big trains. It turns out to be one of the better tracks, and we've sung it on family trips. Albeit with the swears removed.
12 June 2026The Wrong TrashAI
This was one of the highlights of the original album, and recreating it took a fair bit of effort. There were some vocals I'd always imagined should have been in the original, and I wrangled the input music to this version so it had the right musical cues... and then really forced the AI's hand by singing some extra stems into it and converting them to the backing singers.
12 June 2026Dino PooHybrid
The original album ended with a Taylor Swift style song, which I didn't want to recreate here. It was a tricky one to make in the first place, and the resulting song was a real design-by-committee concoction which is what it is. However, I wanted to find a song which gave that a nod, so I recorded this song to make both of my children react... it's about Dinosaurs and Taylor Swift, what else do you need!?
12 June 2026Don't Get a Dog Get a DivorceAI
This is the only song on the album that I didn't sing as an input to the AI - it's from a track I originally published on Udio with no real idea of where it belonged. I see it as a lost track from Monkey Paw Cowboy, though I'm pretty sure I wrote it later.
12 June 2026Big Fuckin' Train - Layla's versionAI
With 'The Brain Rots' I always provide a singer-songwriter cutesy version of the song of the day, so this is a similar one for the stand-out hit of this album - Big Fuckin' Train.
12 June 2026Put it Out To TenderHybrid
A prelude for an episode on the news that Doctor Who is being put out to tender, in the style of Try a little Tenderness.
12 June 2026Let's Turn Down All the LightsAI
Based on the country music trope about turning the lights down low to be romantic, this is a cost of living crisis song, which seems more relevant than ever.
14 June 2026Goddamned Bored (In This Shop)AI
I tried to write this song for me to sing a few times over, but seconded the idea for the Monkey Paw Cowbow album. In my cover version of this, I made some nips and tucks to the original Udio composition. In particular, I got to add the hand claps I always do in the car when listening to the original.
14 June 2026Stealth WinkyAI
I wrote some version of this song for me to sing. I tried it out at new material night and it didn't work for me. The AI version on the original album has a bit of chaos energy to it, which sort of ruins the song. In this cover version, I only loosely follow the Monkey Paw Cowboy original, and sort of riffed a version of the song which fits, which is then regenerated into a nice shiny new thing.
14 June 2026EnrapturedHybrid
Based on the Big Finish story "Rapture" this is an Ibiza holiday Britpop complaint about trance music.
14 June 2026Echo Chamber Theme - TranceCoverHybrid
As the Big Finish audio "Tranced up" its Doctor Who theme, so I did the same using some traditional methods and some AI methods to generate trance stems on top of the existing Echo chamber theme tune.
14 June 2026The UK Procurement Act 2023Hybrid
A bit of a challenge to set a summary of the UK Procurement Act 2023 to music. Intended to make a buddy who works in procurement chuckle, but it came out well enough to share. I wrote a song and improvised a piano accompaniment and then turned it into Suno-ified slop
14 June 2026Gentoo GumshoeHybrid
Inspired by the rather hilarious and excellent The Maltese Penguin Big Finish story, this is a feisty heisty groove on the main character.
15 June 2026